General elections will be held on November 4th, and campaign slogans stating Take Back our Country/State/ Senate are
plastered everywhere, but there is another "take back" I am addressing right
now. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Take Back the Night is an organization
that brings awareness to domestic and sexual violence. Originating in Europe,
it crossed over to the United States in the late 1960s. The organization empowers
victims and survivors of domestic violence by providing them with a platform
and a voice to protest violence. Take Back the Night has a definitive concise
slogan on their website: Shatter the
Silence. Stop the Violence. I understand all too well the reason for silence. Your first thought may be that it is fear, which is true if you are still living with your abuser, but why silence years later when you are no longer in the abusive relationship?
In 2011, I participated in the
production of a video for Working Against Violence, Inc. (WAVI). It was the
first time I spoke publicly about being a survivor of physical, sexual, and
verbal abuse. After the filming, I was in a state of unease. I felt exposed; embarrassed to know that personal acquaintances, and even strangers that I
would never meet, would be aware of the secret I had been concealing. Over thirty
years had passed, and I found myself confronted with a surprising realization –
the years, and counseling, had not erased the humiliation and shame.
These buried emotions resurfaced, although not as raw, they were definitely palpable. I
told myself that not many people would recognize me, or perhaps my scene would
end up on the cutting room floor. In the video, I talk about the emotional
scarring, and true to my words, here I was, feeling ashamed all over again, wishing I had kept
silent when my sole purpose for coming forward was to break the silence.
This is what abuse does to its
victims. It penetrates us, filling us with shame. It confuses us. It makes us feel responsible. We believe we are
somehow guilty or it would not have happened. Abusers are skilled at transferring
their guilt and shifting the blame to the victim – effective tactics that linger
long after the abuse has ended. I thought I had moved on, but discovered that the
residue of abuse is difficult to remove.
Abused women will be reluctant to open up and talk, both during and after the abuse, but if you suspect someone is in an abusive relationship, reach out to them, approach them non-judgmentally, and encourage them to seek help. Law enforcement officers now receive specialized training in handling domestic violence and work hand-in-hand with crisis centers and shelters.
Abused women will be reluctant to open up and talk, both during and after the abuse, but if you suspect someone is in an abusive relationship, reach out to them, approach them non-judgmentally, and encourage them to seek help. Law enforcement officers now receive specialized training in handling domestic violence and work hand-in-hand with crisis centers and shelters.
My abuse occurred
between the years 1972 – 1979. Organizations to help battered women were
rare and shelters were almost nonexistent. Husbands and boyfriends did not face criminal charges for raping or assaulting
their wives or girlfriends; domestic violence was considered a civil matter and law enforcement agencies were hesitant to become involved. It was in the 1970s that Women’s Rights organizations, most notably National Organization for
Women (NOW), brought domestic violence to the forefront by making it a
political issue. Feminists were the fearless warriors who battled sexist national
and local legislators. These women were the backbone responsible for successful
lobbying, creation of task forces, passing new legislation and stricter laws, and requesting monies to fund crisis centers, shelters, and hot lines. They were the key
players behind reform; reshaping indifference toward a “family quarrel” into what
it truly was – a criminal offense.
Before you go to the polls on
November 4th, look at the candidate’s previous voting record on legislation
regarding women’s issues, particularly the recent Violence Against Women Act
(VAWA).
Additional websites if you are seeking information or help:
* The majority of safe houses and shelters are
non-profit agencies funded through grants and gifts. Donations are always
welcome and greatly appreciated.
